I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
