I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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