Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm at about main and main street
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
