Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
