watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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