dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
