I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
