I got her a Nickelback box set.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
