I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Drake has all the answers
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
