Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
