are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
