in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
