Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
