THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
