as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
