on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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