you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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