you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
