you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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