Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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