so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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