Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
