i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
