So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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