I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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