Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
