There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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