I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
