Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
