From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
