If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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