i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
