I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
