anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
