He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
