You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
