I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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