man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
