Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
