I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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