no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just puked most of my soul out..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
