dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
