I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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