I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
