I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
