Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
