then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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