You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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