she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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