Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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