How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Welp...herpes.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
