This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
