just tell him i said nine months
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
